Saturday, June 16, 2007

Wanted: 1950s wife

This is probably going to be the most un-PC thing I ever write in my blog. Feminists (and I include myself in that group) look away now! (Which seeing as I also have to look away, is going to make it quite tricky to write this...)

OK, here goes.

I want a wife. But not just any wife. Oh no - I have my heart set on an archetypal, stereotypical, swirly dress-wearing, 1950 housewife. You know the type - she cooks like a dream, keeps the house spotless, and anticipates her husband's every wish. She wears an apron/pinny like it's her uniform, and she lives to please her man.

I told you this was going to be un-PC, didn't I?

Wouldn't it be nice (I dream to myself) to come home from a hard day's web developing and have my ever-loving wife waiting for me in the kitchen. "Hello darling," she'd say, "have you had a good day? Oh - you look a little worn out, sit down here in the comfy chair and I'll bring you a nice cold beer/hot coffee. Dinner's nearly ready - we're having your favourite (of course!). Are your shoulders a bit tight darling? Shall I give you a shoulder massage?"

Ah bliss...

During dinner I'd tell her about my day. "Goodness me darling, so you solved a tricky little HasLayout bug, blew away two examples of the double float doubled margin bug, built a min-width layout using the jello mould technique and exceeded e-government accessibility guidelines for levels 1 to 3! Gosh darling, you are clever!"

And after dinner she'd be all "now darling, you go play on your computer while I stack the dishwasher, tidy the kitchen, run around the house with a duster, clean out the cat tray, do the washing and fix you a lovely lunch to take to work tomorrow... no, no, of course you don't need to lift a finger to help - I love running around after you anticipating your every need. Would you like a foot rub when I've finished cleaning up?"

In return of course I'd take care of her, open doors for her, give her some housekeeping money and "ensure she's kept in the manner to which she's become accustomed" - which I would have had to convince her father I was able to do, before he'd have "given" her to me. Hmmm. It doesn't really sound like a fair exchange for having a full-time unpaid servant, now does it?

I suppose these days the closest you'd get to the 1950s housewife would be having a housekeeper, or a cook, or a butler, or even a cleaning lady. But it isn't the same really, is it? Your cleaning lady isn't about to listen to the minutiae of your daily HTML adventures, and neither is your butler, and I'm sure a housekeeper wouldn't be into giving you a foot rub after dinner...

*sigh* I was so born the wrong gender in the wrong decade...

Heh. I'm joking of course. Mostly ;)

But look! It seems that I'm not the only one nostalgic for the 50s:


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6 comments:

Jess0123 said...

:) Sometimes I agree with the first entry. I am still not sure what type I am. Possible to be a bit of both? I know I don't like dresses that much so I guess I would be more of a Fred Mertz/Lucy. Oi, that's a scary picture! haha. Just is an interesting blog so I thought I'd comment.

meeyauw said...

Very seductive thought. If we could do this without experiencing the awful problems of the fifties, it would be better.

OK, we still have those problems, just worse. Way worse.

Maybe a Way-Back Machine to get back the bad old days?

Douglas Wilkie said...

Are you still looking for that 1950s housewife? It seems you are looking for something.... but then aren't we all... and sometimes it's just a matter of recognising the moment whwen we actually find what we're looking for... too often we close our eyes, our minds, and miss the moment when the thing we have been looking for presents itself (himself/herself) to us for the taking... and so we continue on our way thinking we still haven't found what we're looking for. Open your eyes, look around, listen, feel... it might be closer than you think.

GoRetroGirl said...

I don't think your fantasy marriage is all that un-PC; CNN just reported that a lot of married women are content to be the happy homemaker while their husband brings home the bacon...and a growing number of them don't even have kids. I actually think it would be fun..to an extent. You'd have to have a secure marriage to do this. In fact, I was going to post about this on my blog soon. Check it out sometime - you might get a kick out of it.

http://goretro.blogspot.com

webweaver said...

Nice blog, GoRetroGirl!

Callie said...

I really enjoyed this article, because i am a 34 50s housewife and i strive for it. I dress the part and everything. It actually makes for an amazing relationship..